Blog Spam Is So Weird

I’m exhausted, kind of whiny, and I have a headache from too much coffee and not enough water. The thought required to string together words and phrases and make them intelligible is on its way out of the building.

But I’m also FOUR POSTS away from completing NaBloPoMo so I cannot give up. I can’t. FOUR POSTS AWAY. So let’s talk about blog spam, shall we?

Blog spam is so weird.

Blog spam comments are typically perpetrated by some sort of wizardry I don’t entirely understand. Most of it isn’t generated by humans and the computers spitting out this spam? Well, let’s just say they’re not Skynet.

A lot of it doesn’t make sense. At all. Sometimes it’s hilarious and sometimes it’s just weird. And sometimes it’s in Japanese. Most of the time it’s trying to sell something.

(Why does blog spam exist? Because when it’s not captured, it creates a link out there on the world wide web for whatever spammy site needs that sort of link juice. I definitely understand this but I definitely am not explaining this well. See also: extremely tired.)

I’m a fan of scrolling through my captured spam just to see what’s in there. And when I realized it was 9:00 and I hadn’t written today, despite having at least three things I want to write about but which require more humor than I’m capable of producing on my own, I decided to sift through my spam folder and pull out my very favorite ones and share them here.

This will probably be TERRIBLE for my SEO. (Or really great? No idea.)

On Tell All The Truth But Tell It Slant, in order to sell knockoff Hermes bags:

I am so satisfied finding this blog and I have to admit that all information stated here is really useful. I hope that youwill continue to post such great posts like this one in the future. Thanks a lot again.

and then this novella:

Truth is transparent, truth is universal, truth is ever lasting, truth is one and truth is god. It is very hard to hide the truth how much ever you try and therefore, being true is next to godliness. Truth does not fear anybody and it tries not to hide itself. But being always true is practically humanly impossible as someone said, if you cannot tell the truth, dont hide the truth. Speaking the truth gives a clear conscience, peace of mind, fearlessness in any situation and the courage to move bravely on in life. Truth is so powerful that even god cannot hide it and will stay on, as long as the sun and the moon exist. Cultivate the habit of being true by sending the following quotes to your friends or others. Truth is the accomplice that will come with you till the end of your life and beyond.

Alright. So. Some…uh…truth…there.

On Broken Mama Heart, apparently to protect the native (angry) birds:

UPDATE: Due to some comments suggesting illegal action on this article, comments are now closed. Sadly some people cannot seem to understand our laws relating to native birds.

On Parenting: You’re Doing It, for unexplained reasons but maybe something to do with the price of gold?:

It’s difficult for most parents to allow their kids to play video games for hours and hours every day. I know, so I spend a lot of time reading about the effects of video games to understand the dilemma. And the first thing I’ll tell you is that research based on “screen time” which includes television, concludes that it’s detrimental to kids in large doses. Research specific to video games shows largely positive effects from high engagement .

and

There are all these new books out there portraying Asian mothers as scheming, callous, overdriven people indifferent to their kids’ true interests. For their part, many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly. I think it’s a misunderstanding on both sides. All decent parents want to do what’s best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.

How dare you let your kids play video games in large doses but if you do make sure they’re highly engaged? Go get ’em, Tiger moms?

On Listen To Your Mother, Atlanta, to sell me Lululemons (which don’t even come in my size):

Before we take our relationship further (if you want to), I want to state that you have to change as a lover and become more responsive and more attentive to the person you are in bed with and might be in a relationship with. Heres an indication of how selfish you were in bed: [Link to video redacted because I wasn’t born yesterday.]

And finally, this one, on In Defense of Selfies, five times.

So, I take lots of pictures. I blog. I pray. And I try to remember to filter my reactions through my love for her.

Hey, so do I, Spambot. So do I.