Ever since having Joshua, I’ve thought of various ways I might celebrate motherhood in a tattoo of some sort.
About a year into PPD, I wrote a post that ended with a letter to Joshua where I talked about how he is the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside and how nothing will ever break our heart-bond. Then Emma came along and now these kids and me, we’re forever linked like that.
In that post, I included a poem, the seed of which one day out of the blue germinated into an idea which has now bloomed into a piece of art I love (which is great since it’s permanent).
The inspiration for this tree tattoo comes from the last stanza of a poem by ee cummings.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
Isn’t that just beautiful?
I know that ee cummings meant it as a poem from one lover to another, but poetry and interpretation and all, you know?
I carry their heart in my heart. My love for them. Nothing can ever erase that. The love that I feel for my children is “higher than soul can hope or mind can hide.” But it’s not a secret.
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We’re inextricably interconnected, Joshua and Emma and me, like branches and roots.
For my birthday, Dan made the drive over to our favorite tattoo shop, Mystic Owl Tattoo, and talked to Taylor Anne (who did my Finish Each Day tattoo last May) and she was instantly excited about the idea. As something of a bookworm herself, she got me and understood the poem’s significance and why visually representing it was so important.
I knew the tattoo had to be a tree, not only for the poem but also because trees are symbols of life, and what better way to represent motherhood–the act of giving life–than with a tree?
i carry their hearts. now and always.
Here’s the whole poem that inspired my tree tattoo, if you’re interested.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
And now I’m crying. It’s beautiful, miranda. Just like those two babies of yours.
Miranda, I love your words. This is one of my favorite poems. The tattoo is stunning. It looks like a piece of art.
Beautiful! I love it. And, did you see your placentas with them? I got a really good look at mine from B (I wish I would have taken a picture). It looks just like a tree…like exactly like the one you have. So, just another connection (which I’m sure you realized).
I have a little necklace that says “i carry your heart” with a mama bird. It’s such an amazing expression of exactly what it feels like to have children – even if that’s not how it was meant. Your tattoo is even more gorgeous now with the color than when I saw it in person.