The story of the stars

I just looked back through almost EVERY blog post I’ve made in the past two months because I was certain I’d shared this story with all of you. Apparently, preg-brain got the best of me because I cannot find it. Here goes my star story.

TTC was not what I thought it would be. When we decided we were ready to try to have a baby, I naively thought that I’d stop taking the pill, we’d have sex, and BAM! here comes baby. Those of you who know me and know my story know that this was not the case. You probably also know what it took for us to get this baby and if not you can always read earlier entries to the blog for more background.

Was my TTC process difficult compared to that of others? No, not at all. But being a mother is and has been for most of my life my biggest dream. That aspect of TTC and not knowing if we’d be successful, or how long it would take to get pregnant was hard. It was probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through. I love my husband dearly, but I couldn’t force him to understand why the process of TTC and why the thought that it might take us a long time was so difficult for me. It felt like I was alone in my own head for most of the TTC process even though he was with me every step of the way.

My upbringing in church has taught me that we’re never truly alone because God is always with us. While I consider myself a spiritual and faithful person, I’ve not been exactly devout in following God for quite some time. But that doesn’t mean that I think God has abandoned me. In fact, this pregnancy has taught me quite the opposite.

When we went to the beach last summer, I was in the 2ww. I knew that I would be able to test while we were there (at either or both 9 and 10 dpo) and I also knew that there was a chance that the medications wouldn’t work on the first try and that we’d be starting all over in a matter of days. Part of me was happy to have ovulated, finally, after so many years of birth control and so many months of nothing but a period that came every 10 days. Part of me desperately wanted to be pregnant.

That part of me sat on a beach one night and prayed to God for a sign.

We’d all gone down to the beach to look at the stars. St. George Island is kind of remote. There are no major cities nearby with highrise buildings and spotlights and such, so the night sky is amazing there. At night it’s just you, the ocean, and the stars. It’s absolutely breathtaking.

As I sat there in my beach chair, surrounded by my husband and our best friends but feeling completely alone, I asked God to let me know that things would be alright. That things would work out. That He could hear me, even if I didn’t always deserve His ear.

Out of nowhere five stars shot across the sky, one right after the other.

I had never seen a shooting star before that night, even though I’ve always loved staring up at the stars.

Seeing five in one night was God’s way of saying “See….I do listen to you. And I do love you. And things are going to be okay. Trust me. I’ve got this.”

Two days later I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive and the rest you all know. Our little guy is set to arrive any day now.

I haven’t really told many people this story because it seems sort of silly somehow to think that God, in all His power, was listening to me that night and knew my heart, even though the time I’ve spent in church over the course of my 27 years tells me that God knows the needs and hearts of all of His children, no matter how large or small the need may be. That night I needed God.

For my birthday, Dan bought me a necklace (click here for the link). I hadn’t even told him this story until just a month and a half or so ago. I found the necklace and told him I thought it was pretty, but he’s not a jewelry-for-a-gift kind of guy, so I never thought he’d actually buy it for me.

I cannot wait to meet my son and make my husband a father. He’s going to be a great one.