Look. I’m about to get real. Really real. I’ve had wine. You’ve been warned. Soul-baring is sort of a thing we used to do around here and right now feels like a time to get back to that.
Whew. Here goes.
Once upon a time, I thought making it “big time” as a blogger meant making it into an ad network, getting a few dolla dolla bills deposited into your bank account, and being what people might call “internet famous.”
I was like “oh, I would love it if boxes and boxes of free things showed up on my doorstep and people asked me to write about it all! That sounds like so much fun!”
And then I realized that you can’t pay your mortgage in toothpaste or tampons and trying to style either into some kind of crafty photo is legitimately hard work so that was perhaps not a viable business opportunity. (Wine, on the other hand…)
Hey. You live and learn, right?
For a long, long, long time I felt like I was missing out on something huge. In the spirit of full transparency (because I’ve had 2.5 glasses of Malbec and am feeling a little loose at the fingertips), I spent a lot of time thinking “I’m a great writer. Where’s my recognition? Where are my viral posts!?!?”
Hahahaha.
The thing about going viral is that once you do the expectation is that you will continue to do so. And, well, no. That’s…not something I have time for. And also that one time I went semi-viral people sort of hated me. So, no thank you. I do not wish to be universally hated.
Some days I still really want that recognition, but most of the time I’m glad the pressure to write every day, to be churning out new content all the time, constantly burning the candle at both ends so I can stay ahead of the game is gone.
Don’t get me wrong. I still think I’m a great writer (sometimes)(and not afraid to toot that horn), but somewhere along the way, I realized I actually really enjoy watching my friends find their happiness.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate it when people like me. I just don’t have the giveadamn to do things to make people like me.
But the FOMO I have isn’t what it once was and I’m incredibly thankful for it.
The Iris Awards nominees were announced earlier today and a LOT of people whom I’ve had the absolute pleasure to know and work with over the years, people with whom I’ve developed lasting friendships, are on that list.
We’ve weathered job changes, births, losses, gains, and everything in between together. My friends are up there, shining in that spotlight, and it’s a beautiful thing to behold.
I almost started crying because of how excited I am for all of them. The fact that I would cry from an emotional overwhelm isn’t news to those who know me. It happens at least 25 times each Listen To Your Mother season.
I’ve watched as these people have busted their asses to do what they do and it’s been pretty amazing to watch.
Once upon a time, I would’ve felt like crying because my name wasn’t on the list, but the truth is that nothing I’ve ever done has earned me placement on that list and I’m okay with that.
I’m probably never going to be famous on the internet, and that’s really okay with me. I’m stepping into my role as a supporter of those movers and shakers who are out there innovating and making things happen.
Today I was really excited for other people, and that’s a really great, really free place to be.