Acceptable Snacking

So, apparently I complain a lot and some people don’t think I like motherhood? Or staying home with my kids?

Yeah. That was news to me, too.

“Parenting is a human experience,” as Jill so eloquently put it, and I was just being human.

The thing is I love this gig better than any 9 to 5 I’ve ever worked even though there is no PTO or sometimes even a potty break. The yoga pants all day thing is pretty sweet and since the only other way that’s acceptable is for me to become a fitness instructor (HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH!) I’ll take this thankyouverymuch.

One of the perks of this job of mine is conversations with Joshua. About everything including but not limited to: Angry Birds, Angry Birds Rio, Angry Birds Star Wars (or, “Angry Birds Light Sabers”), Thomas, his Baby Emma, and why girls have vaginas and boys have penises.

This morning I was instructed in acceptable snacks.

Emma was ready for her nap and being extra cuddly. Joshua wanted me to blow raspberries (zerberts?) on her belly, but she was wearing a onesie. I was being extra playful and tickling her to hear her sweet little baby squeal-laugh. So I blew raspberries on her chunky, nommable baby thighs.

She was delighted. Joshua kept saying “do it again! DO IT AGAIN!”

So I did.

Then, I morphed into the role of Baby Toe Eater Extraordinaire.

“Oh, you guys! I’m so hungry! I’m so hungry I could eat some baby toes!!”

::om nom nom nom:: as she giggled and he stared me down.

“Oh, you guys! I’m so hungry! I’m so hungry I could munch on some baby legs!!”

::om nom nom nom:: as Emma continued to giggle, more loudly. Then Joshua decided that taking bites out of his baby sister was crossing a serious line.

He grabbed my face in his hands and lifted it up from Emma’s legs and peered into my mouth and shouted

“NO, Mama! NO! We do NOT eat BABIES! We do NOT eat baby toes! We do NOT eat baby legs!”

Not content with my lack of appropriate upsetedness at his reprimand, he continued:

“You spit it out! You spit out Emma’s toes! YOU SPIT OUT MY BABY EMMA RIGHT NOW!”

His face was so earnest and serious and I could not stop giggling. I faked spitting out the baby toes and putting them back on his sister and all was right with his world. Pretending, FTW.

So, lessons learned for Friday:

• It’s okay to be frustrated with motherhood and it’s okay to see others be frustrated and to be seen while you’re frustrated. You’re human.
• Baby toes are not appropriate snacks.