Today, I made a choice. A hard choice. A really hard choice. A choice that I’ve weighed and waffled on for months.
Today, I quit my job to become a stay at home mom.
I’ve never been good with cramming the quality into only an hour or two like some moms can. I need quantity AND quality. With only an hour or two, I feel compelled to do everything and the overwhelming desire to do everything generally leads to getting nothing done. Not even the quality time.
It’s funny how that works, right? Am I the only one who experiences this? I think I’m probably not.
Since Joshua was small, I’ve lamented how busy our lives are. How our mornings are hectic and scattered and rushed and our afternoons are plagued by daycare pickup, dinner, bath time and bed with little time for anything else. I’ve always hated how little time I actually have to spend with Joshua in any given day.
Even when he makes me absolutely crazy in the hour I do have, I still want more hours. I still need more hours.
Now that Emma’s here, I want those hours with her, too. I need those hours with her to keep on healing my soul.
And with two children, having those hours in order to split my attentions between them become even more of a commodity.
So, in order to have those hours, something has to give.
I can’t give up food, sleep, or cleaning the house since the first two are biological necessities and the last would land us on Hoarders. So, the thing that I can give up, for now, is my career.
I love my family. I love my career. But when it comes down to it, my career will always be there. I can go back.
My children? Their childhoods? These moments? Those are fleeting. I cannot miss these moments. I cannot get them back.
As Nick Carraway said “You can’t repeat the past.” Once these moments are gone, they’re gone forever.
And y’all, I have agonized over this decision. I have wavered and doubted and right now, I still waver and doubt.
Even this morning I stood in the kitchen and looked at Dan and said “I just don’t know what to do.”
And he said “We can do this. We’ll make it work.”
So, we’re doing this.