That’ll teach me

Alright, Monday, I came up in here and bragged about how successful my Saturday alone with both kids was and how we’re settling so nicely into this family of four business and sunshine farts with rainbow sprinkles came flying out of my ass.

Despite the fact that we were dealing with the stomach flu from Hell in Joshua’s intestines, Monday was actually good. Dan and Joshua rocked the afternoon while I took Emma to her two-week check-up.

(21 inches. 8.4 pounds. “Growing” and “Perfect” and “Beautiful” according to the NP, which, duh. Of course she is.)

And then Monday night happened. Which was proof enough that The Universe? Does not so much appreciate a bragging bragger.

Monday night Emma decided to nurse from 2:30 to 4:30. Joshua was up for the day at 6:00. Dan went to work. It was just a really tired me and the kids until he got home.

I thought I’d lose my mind that morning because Emma turned into a Drama Queen with a raging case of DontPutMeDown Disease and Joshua just doesn’t understand this. I probably heard “You go put baby sister in da bed, Mama!” half a dozen times.

And believe me, I wanted to put her in the bed.

I wanted her to nap somewhere not on me.

I wanted to be able to put my boob back in my shirt so I could stop accidentally flashing the lawn crew outside my windows mowing the grass.

She just wasn’t having it. And Joshua was so whiny.

I mean, the poor kid hadn’t really eaten anything aside from crackers in several days and his little bootycakes were so raw from the upset stomach we damn near needed a Xanax (for all parties involved) to change his diapers. Plus, he’d been cooped up in the house since Saturday because the water butt was so bad that all the diaper changes were starting to end in a shower.

(And thank the baby and standard sized Jesus for the giant shower in our master bathroom. Yesterday, I put Emma’s tub on the shower seat and laid a fully-clothed, fully-swaddled infant in there so that I could shower whilst also hosing down the toddler’s butt. It was…interesting. And laughable, I’m sure.)

We made it through yesterday. And last night.

And then this morning happened and Emma would.not.stop.screaming and I grew a crazy hair and decided that since Joshua had finally (FINALLY) had a solid poop, we were going to Target.

So we did.

She stopped crying in the car and I thought “Oh, Happy Day!” I put her in the Moby once we got to the store and we had a pleasant trip. Until that store didn’t have what I was looking for (the Snuggabunny Rock n Play, which I am assured by all of Twitter and half of Facebook may be laced with Baby Crack that will make her want to chill there long enough for em to eat a bowl of cereal or pee).

But look! The little scanny thing on my Target iPhone app says the store down the street has this in stock! And look! It’s only 11:30! We can make it to the other store and still make it home before nap time!

(In case you were wondering? That was the 3938402th bad idea I’ve had in my life.)

Emma woke up about three minutes away from the second Target store. And she was not happy. So she started screaming.

The Moby couldn’t soothe her. I tried to nurse her while walking around Target and she nearly flashed my boobs to random passersby. Joshua decided to whack me with a potty seat insert and then have a meltdown in the baby section. Which caused me to lose my freaking mind and become THAT MOM who seems to be unable to control her children in public and why, oh why, does she have her kids in public if they’re just going to screamscreamscream doesn’t she know that there are people shopping this morning and workers working and none of them want to hear her kids screaming?

They both cried the whole way home and I screamed a primal “AAAHHHH!HH!H!H!H!H” in the driver’s seat prompting Joshua to go “No, you don’ screaming, Mama!”

As I was putting him down for a nap, Joshua looked at me and said “Mama went crazy!”


Yep. I sure did, little dude. I sure did.

After some chocolate, and naps for everybody, we’re better over here. But I’ll not be bragging about this whole mother-of-two thing again any time soon.

Lesson learned, Universe. Lesson learned.


The Mom Pledge, a community dedicated to ending cyber-bullying among moms, is currently running a series called “Giving Birth: A Defining Moment.” I’m proud to have been a part of this series and I’m sharing my birth experiences today. I hope you’ll visit and read not only my experiences, but the experiences being shared by the other women in the series.

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  1. 1


    Oh Miranda,

    I’m so sorry you had a rough day. Hopefully things will settle down again soon! Adjusting can be very difficult for awhile but you’ll get there! Goodness knows, I still have my days 😉

  2. 3

    TheNextMartha says

    I’ve had a situation just like that. Sending virtual hugs for that crappy day. It’s still nice to think of the good ones though. Just keep them in your head. :)

  3. 5

    Mama says

    You made me laugh! It’a not easy but oh so worth it in the end..Love you bunches! Glad you tried it and it will get easier with each trip! Love, love to read about you and how you are doing with the children. I love all of you and would come every day if I could. I completed 36 aprons today so “yay” for me with about 50 something more to go and daddy is still selling!

  4. 7


    The more I read, the more I was tensing up. Days like this bite. Big time. You didn’t go crazy. And at the end of the day, you and your kids survived. Success! Days like this do end, even when they don’t feel like they ever will. And the Universe usually cuts us some slack. It owes you that. 😉

    Hang in there, mama! You’re doing great, even if you don’t always feel you are.

    • 8

      Miranda says

      Haha! Joshua STILL says “Mama went crazy!” I have NO IDEA where he got that. I can’t remember if I said “you guys are making me crazy” as I was putting him in the car or not.

  5. 9


    Hugs, mama. I still think you’re doing great. And you know what? We all need to hear your brags too, to give us hope. So keep on doing what you’re doing.

  6. 11

    Sally says

    Bless your heart, sometimes there are just days like that. You survived, the babies did too. Success! You are doing great!

  7. 13


    I don’t mean to laugh by Joshua’s line at the end is just hilarious “Mama went crazy!”. Oh I just love the things little kids say.

    Seriously though no one died, no one was maimed, and no one will need therapy…I say you’re still rocking this mother of two business.

  8. 15


    Oh sweetie! She is just going through the 3 week growth spurt! I know it’s awful but it will pass quickly, and her constant need for nursing will really get your supply where it needs to be and stay.
    You’re doing a fabulous job.

    • 16

      Miranda says

      Whew. I know. I know the all-the-time nursing will come and go. It just kind of catches you off guard when it hits.

  9. 17


    But did you get the Rock n Play? Because I’ve heard it’s the whip. We don’t have it, but I have heard great things.

    Also? Yesterday? We almost had that Target trip. But I turned the car around once both children were crying. Eff that. I really DID “turn this car around this instant!”

    • 18

      Miranda says

      We finally got the Rock n Play. And, well, it rocks. And at first, it was just Emma crying and I thought “boobs will fix this!” Oh, no. No they didn’t. And then Joshua got started and then I was all “WHY DID I TEMPT FATE!?”

      Never again. Not without back up.

  10. 21


    So Mike and I only married about 10 months ago…and if it were up to me, we’d have a bun in the oven right now (stupid “2 incomes is better than one” truth)….
    However, after teaching for 8 years I have come to learn that kids not only need to be held accountable, but LOVE it. Boundaries help shape a child/person. They teach us what’s reasonable and this not only happens early on, but continues throughout life.
    While I can’t truly weigh on on parenting from a first-person perspective, you and I both know, “it’s all good.”


    • 22

      Miranda says

      Oh, there are definitely boundaries. I was pushing nap time that day and, in retrospect, should’ve known better. It’s hard to fault him for getting outside his boundaries when I pushed him to the limits of what a 3 year old can handle.


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