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I’m stressed out

Last night I had cramps so bad they woke me up from a dead sleep. They were awful. I had them on Monday night, too. I’m so scared that something is going to go wrong with this pregnancy that I feel like I could cry. Both times they’ve happened between 2 and 3 a.m. and last night they subsided after about 10 or 15 minutes. Last night, there was brown-tinged CM. Brown, at least, means old blood.

I called the doctor’s office this morning and they told me I should go to the ER. The receptionist said that their providers were at the hospital delivering babies or they’d have me come there. The ER is expensive, so DH and I decided to wait and see if they happen again tonight. If they do, we’re going to the ER. If they don’t, well, then we’re going to try and wait it out. I have a doctor’s appointment in a week and a half, but I’m going to be out of town next week, which means I’m just going to worry over every little pain and twinge that happens.

I hate not knowing. I hate the fact that there’s nothing I can do if I am going to lose this baby. I have just realized that I will be worrying for the rest of my life. I think I’m going to go cry now.

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